Pouring concrete this evening I took a break and happened to look over at my neighbors. He was outside teaching his little boy how to play catch with a football. I stood there quietly watching as he tossed it to his little boy. I started thinking about what it will be like in a few years teaching Xander how to catch a football and everything that will follow that. I started reflecting at how much these last three months have changed me and my views about everything.
Going back to the night he was born, I've never felt such abject terror and overwhelming joy at the same time. Ive been searching for the words to express the feelings of that night. Watching as my son came into this world was incredible, not a day that goes by that I don't reflect upon that moment. The sheer scope of my life changed in a instant. Everything that had mattered ceased. After months of worry here was this perfect little boy, part of my soul in the flesh.
I was so scared that I couldn't be the father that this little boy deserved. Before Xander I was just a some guy, a broken person at best with nothing to keep me centered or grounded, always looking and searching for only God knew what. Never scared of doing something stupid that could get me killed. Jumping out of planes, off cliffs, trying to break up a bar room brawl. I didn't care I did it all. If I died in the process who cares right? It was just me, sure I'd be missed but that's all. No biggie. Everyone has to die sometime. I had seen death, tasted death, gotten to know death. It didn't bother me.
When Xander was born it tempered some place deep inside me. He took all the broken pieces of me that I had stopped caring about an discarded and started putting them back together again. Xander brought to life a protective part of me that I wasn't aware that existed. There is no lengths I wouldn't go to protect my son. I would gladly give my life for his.
For the first time in my 34 years of life I have a purpose a destiny a light at the end of the tunnel.
Going back to the night he was born, I've never felt such abject terror and overwhelming joy at the same time. Ive been searching for the words to express the feelings of that night. Watching as my son came into this world was incredible, not a day that goes by that I don't reflect upon that moment. The sheer scope of my life changed in a instant. Everything that had mattered ceased. After months of worry here was this perfect little boy, part of my soul in the flesh.
I was so scared that I couldn't be the father that this little boy deserved. Before Xander I was just a some guy, a broken person at best with nothing to keep me centered or grounded, always looking and searching for only God knew what. Never scared of doing something stupid that could get me killed. Jumping out of planes, off cliffs, trying to break up a bar room brawl. I didn't care I did it all. If I died in the process who cares right? It was just me, sure I'd be missed but that's all. No biggie. Everyone has to die sometime. I had seen death, tasted death, gotten to know death. It didn't bother me.
When Xander was born it tempered some place deep inside me. He took all the broken pieces of me that I had stopped caring about an discarded and started putting them back together again. Xander brought to life a protective part of me that I wasn't aware that existed. There is no lengths I wouldn't go to protect my son. I would gladly give my life for his.
For the first time in my 34 years of life I have a purpose a destiny a light at the end of the tunnel.
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