Since the day I said goodbye to you I've seen you in my dreams. Always outside of everything taking place, observing me. For so long it continued this way. Then the dreams started changing. You became a part of them. In the light of day my heart was heavy and full of sadness, believing it was I who chose to let you die.
In the night so often I came to your grave for comfort. To sit there next to where you laid in the darkness. I could feel your presence, your arms wrapped around me holding me like you did when I was a baby. In my dreams you lived again, healthy and happy.
Our last conversation I told you I loved you and I would be okay without you. I knew you were in pain and wanted to go home.. The tears hid my lie. I wasn't ok without you. My world crumbled and fell apart that winter day when we buried you.
Your presence has always walked with me the times I would smell orchids when none were seen. All these years have passed without you in my life. Seasons of regret and longing as clouds going across the sky. The waves washing away the beach, pieces of my soul going out with the tide.
The night my son was born I could feel you with me by my side as I watched Xander take his first breath. I imagine how big your smile was as you watched me hold him for the first time. Your hands on mine as I held him. I wish you could have been there with me that night too see my excitement, feel my love..
The tears I cried that night were for you. All those years of regret and sadness were washed away the minute I saw my son because in him I saw some of you..
In the night so often I came to your grave for comfort. To sit there next to where you laid in the darkness. I could feel your presence, your arms wrapped around me holding me like you did when I was a baby. In my dreams you lived again, healthy and happy.
Our last conversation I told you I loved you and I would be okay without you. I knew you were in pain and wanted to go home.. The tears hid my lie. I wasn't ok without you. My world crumbled and fell apart that winter day when we buried you.
Your presence has always walked with me the times I would smell orchids when none were seen. All these years have passed without you in my life. Seasons of regret and longing as clouds going across the sky. The waves washing away the beach, pieces of my soul going out with the tide.
The night my son was born I could feel you with me by my side as I watched Xander take his first breath. I imagine how big your smile was as you watched me hold him for the first time. Your hands on mine as I held him. I wish you could have been there with me that night too see my excitement, feel my love..
The tears I cried that night were for you. All those years of regret and sadness were washed away the minute I saw my son because in him I saw some of you..
No comments:
Post a Comment